One more post about friendship - which will be the subject of my teaching this weekend. I've been thinking a lot about how technology has affected the way we do friendship these days. I think there have definately been some wins with the use of the Internet - and yet I also have some concerns that some of us are engaging more in pseudo-community than the real thing. The hours that can be spent on Facebook or Twitter or even texting aren't a magic replacement for the face-to-face encounters that deepen relationships. Here's what Anne Jackson had to say in Leadership magazine:
I believe what happens online is connection, not community. People can be vulnerable and
honest online. And at times these online connections can be more life-giving than many of
our offline relationships, but they are not the same.
When we spend more time staring at a glowing monitor than we do into the eyes of those we
love, or need to love, it might be time to shut off the computer.
I think Anne makes a wise distinction between connection and community. When I read most Facebook updates on my wall, I learn very little about how most people are really doing, deep down. And that's ok........but it's not enough. There's something about the nonverbal cues, facial expressions, and tone of voice in the face-to-face contacts that are essential to the building of meaningful friendships. Wednesday evening I got to sit across the table for over 2 hours with a treasured friend who has moved to another state and was in town for a visit. It was the highlight of my week so far. Sure, we talk on the phone and e-mail one another. But nothing tops really, truly being together and living in the spaces of genuine conversation.
In our service this weekend, we are going to have some fun with two brief drama scenes each placed in different parts of my message. One portrays a guy who is totally isolated in virtual world, competing in on-line gaming and connecting with thousands of people through Facebook. Yet this guy does not pursue any face-to-face friendships. It's quite funny, and I hope that though it's exaggerated, it will make its point. The other scene shows the upside of technology. A young woman whose friend has moved away is Skyping her to bring a word of encouragement before that friend heads into a huge presentation at work. This young woman is intentionally doing what she can to show up for her friend using whatever tools she can.
As you head out to enjoy Memorial Day weekend, I hope you will intentionally pursue some time with friends. Don't hide behind your computer, but actually give someone a call and get together. There's nothing like the real deal of friendship! And let me know, when you get a chance, how technology has been affecting your relational world...
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